Traded my Diaper bag for my Work bag today

Today I went to UNH to work in the lab and teach my fellow lab mate how to do some of my methods for his carotenoid work.

We made the plan to work in the lab weeks ago and I arranged someone to watch Isabel. Originally, I planned to bring her with me and have a friend watch her at school but that fell through. So, my brother in law, Scott came up and watched her for me.

As you may have noticed, Isabel and I are pretty much inseperable. I love her fiercely and rarely chose to be seperated from her....I am getting better at it as you can see but I think this stems from my rough start with her and not getting to bond as readily as most new moms due to the complications with her birth.

Anyway, the anticipation of leaving her to go to work has been building for weeks. Its not that Scott isn't wonderful with her. Actually he is one of few I would trust with her. Like J, he is patient, can handle her crying and genuinely loves her. She does well with him, I can see her trust in him and they enjoy each other. It makes me so happy that she will have another strong and wonderful male role model in her life. I only had one uncle I was close to and saw frequently and I hope that this relationship with Scott will grow as she does. She's a lucky and loved little girl thats for sure.

So back to today. I had an appointment in the morning so in a way it was good I didn't have all morning to sit around dwelling on how I was leaving my baby for the afternoon. When Scott arrived, I had just nursed Isabel and she was between naps and chipper.

What struck me the most about this day was that I was finally the mom that scurried around as they got settled and reaquainted. I packed my work bag and made him a sandwhich (this is tough to do when holding a baby). I changed my top and fixed my hair and was ready as I ever would be to go. I ran down the contact info and how to make her bottle (as if he didn't know ;) I think it made me feel better at least. Then I quickly kissed her and slipped out while they played.

It was sort of anticlimatic. She didn't cry. She napped, ate a bottle, played and was chipper when I got home. She didn't even cry for me when she saw me, she was happy in Scott's arms.

Bittersweet?

Alittle, but reassuring too. The world didn't end just because I left her for a few hours. Scott did an amazing job with her and alone might I add (usually he watches her with Jess). I wouldn't expect anything less though! I have to say I am so greatful for Scott. He has really stepped up as her uncle (her only uncle) and a brother in law. He has been so generous with his time, home and love for Isabel and me. It means so much and Isabel has really transformed my relationship with Scott and I am really thankful for that. We always got along but now we are alot closer and I like that.

At work it was like nothing really changed and 6 months hadn't passed. It was a nice familiar feeling and though it was nice to do what I am good at, I don't really miss it! I am discovering just how contenting being Isabel's mom is for me. Not that I don't want to finish my PhD. or develop in my career after Isabel is bigger, I am just happy taking care of Isabel as my job. Its the most rewarding feeling in the world and I do it for free ;)

So, I will continue to work from home on my dissertation and go in once in a while. It just feels good to know that I can leave my little chickadee and life will be ok, especially when I can leave Isabel with her uncle (and/or her aunties ;)

So this is me letting go a bit and letting other people in our family love her for a bit. I wish everyone in our family go to do it more, she is a well loved baby!