Traded my Diaper bag for my Work bag today

Today I went to UNH to work in the lab and teach my fellow lab mate how to do some of my methods for his carotenoid work.

We made the plan to work in the lab weeks ago and I arranged someone to watch Isabel. Originally, I planned to bring her with me and have a friend watch her at school but that fell through. So, my brother in law, Scott came up and watched her for me.

As you may have noticed, Isabel and I are pretty much inseperable. I love her fiercely and rarely chose to be seperated from her....I am getting better at it as you can see but I think this stems from my rough start with her and not getting to bond as readily as most new moms due to the complications with her birth.

Anyway, the anticipation of leaving her to go to work has been building for weeks. Its not that Scott isn't wonderful with her. Actually he is one of few I would trust with her. Like J, he is patient, can handle her crying and genuinely loves her. She does well with him, I can see her trust in him and they enjoy each other. It makes me so happy that she will have another strong and wonderful male role model in her life. I only had one uncle I was close to and saw frequently and I hope that this relationship with Scott will grow as she does. She's a lucky and loved little girl thats for sure.

So back to today. I had an appointment in the morning so in a way it was good I didn't have all morning to sit around dwelling on how I was leaving my baby for the afternoon. When Scott arrived, I had just nursed Isabel and she was between naps and chipper.

What struck me the most about this day was that I was finally the mom that scurried around as they got settled and reaquainted. I packed my work bag and made him a sandwhich (this is tough to do when holding a baby). I changed my top and fixed my hair and was ready as I ever would be to go. I ran down the contact info and how to make her bottle (as if he didn't know ;) I think it made me feel better at least. Then I quickly kissed her and slipped out while they played.

It was sort of anticlimatic. She didn't cry. She napped, ate a bottle, played and was chipper when I got home. She didn't even cry for me when she saw me, she was happy in Scott's arms.

Bittersweet?

Alittle, but reassuring too. The world didn't end just because I left her for a few hours. Scott did an amazing job with her and alone might I add (usually he watches her with Jess). I wouldn't expect anything less though! I have to say I am so greatful for Scott. He has really stepped up as her uncle (her only uncle) and a brother in law. He has been so generous with his time, home and love for Isabel and me. It means so much and Isabel has really transformed my relationship with Scott and I am really thankful for that. We always got along but now we are alot closer and I like that.

At work it was like nothing really changed and 6 months hadn't passed. It was a nice familiar feeling and though it was nice to do what I am good at, I don't really miss it! I am discovering just how contenting being Isabel's mom is for me. Not that I don't want to finish my PhD. or develop in my career after Isabel is bigger, I am just happy taking care of Isabel as my job. Its the most rewarding feeling in the world and I do it for free ;)

So, I will continue to work from home on my dissertation and go in once in a while. It just feels good to know that I can leave my little chickadee and life will be ok, especially when I can leave Isabel with her uncle (and/or her aunties ;)

So this is me letting go a bit and letting other people in our family love her for a bit. I wish everyone in our family go to do it more, she is a well loved baby!

Nesting, I guess it really does exist

I have been trying so hard not to make every blog entry about this baby or pregnancy and I am failing miserably at it. I promise to share thoughts on other aspects of my life at least once this week to prove that I do have other thoughts and life does exist to me beyond my body and the baby.

Ok I feel better now.

So nesting....is it a myth or is it real?

Ask me before the last week or so and I would have said myth or old wives tale. I be lots of women have babies and don't experience nesting.

How is it manifesting itself with me?
1. Intense urge to reorganize closets, pantries, refrigerator/freezer, basement
2. Desire to purge: stuff from the basement, closets, fridge
3. Pressure I feel to get all the baby gear together, I have been trying to do it myself but have found that Graco requires you to have a PhD. in engineering just to rig the pack n play together, poor J, I have a project a day for him. In fact, it would make it easier if I just let him do it start to finish instead of half trying..... I did get the shelving unit together myself :)
4. The NEED to have all the 0-6 month clothes washed, folded and put away before baby comes and if you know me, you know I HATE doing laundry
4b. In fact I feel the need to have all our clothes washed and away ALL.THE.TIME... its especially weird because I HATE doing laundry!
5. Desire to buy organizational stuff... hello that is so not me, maybe I am channeling my sister Jess
6. Renewed desire to cook, don't get me wrong, I LOVE to cook but with morning sickness, fatigue, swollen feet, and gestational diabetes I cook the easiest, healthiest meals I can but nothing like I used to. However, I have gotten back into cooking here and there. Tonight I am even crock potting pulled pork for dinner tomorrow night :) J, is weird about me crock potting during the day like normal people so I do it overnight (fine with me, except I usually want to eat whatever I made at 7am!)
7. Insomnia that is caused by me thinking about the things that still need to get done for the baby like having the car seats inspected and finishing birthing class.

What are some misconceptions?
1. When you nest you have renewed energy... not me for sure!
2. Its an urge to do more of what you already do... NOT see #1-5 for proof!
3. It means the baby is coming... nope! One friend nested from week 20-week 40 and went on her due date!

Ah well, J likes it because he is much more into organizing and cleaning than I am, shocking I know! So he says I should be like this more often hahaha! I just have to pace myself and I can get what I need to do...even though its not all done its getting there!