Can we just talk about names for a second?

So the compromise to finding out the sex ( I didn't want to know) was that we would not make the name public. We have a couple of family names we like but I just knew that would create controversy and possibly hurt feelings if people knew in advance. SO I figured once the baby comes, no one would argue when they saw that cute baby's face right?!

Ugh. Its all I can say.

J didn't really hold up his end of the bargain and caved and told his mom our names before we knew the sex. She over course made her opinion known and was against some of our names especially if they were not that side of the family's name. *sigh*

Of course I was upset but J argued that he didn't think we really agreed on this compromise... I was tempted not to know the sex just to spite him but I didn't.

Knowing is nice for us because it helps me to bond I think at least for now. It was fun not knowing and fun to know. Especially because I can refer to the baby as her/she now.

So what to do about that name? We are sticking to our guns and going with the name we like family in agreement or not.

Cue today when I get a voicemail from J's stepmother in law congratulating us on the baby girl and says she just loves our name.....that its beautiful.

How does she know the name?!!!!!

Guess it won't be a secret. *sigh* I just don't want people discussing it because everyone will have an opinion one way or another.

*sigh*

Its a.....

Girl!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness! I am thrilled but totally was not expecting a girl! I had thought boy the whole time! I cried through the whole ultrasound, it was just amazing!

I know J is happy and maybe a little dissapointed. I know he will not admit it because he is happy either way but don't all guys want a boy first?

His theory is he drinks too much Mt. Dew and that affected it... Ha!

I said if there is a next time around, he will have to go on Mt. Dew free diet!

I am just relieved the anatomy scan looked good, so far. We do have to go back for a follow up scan because the tech couldn't get several measurements she needed. so woohoo for another ultrasound!

I outed myself on FB, felt weird doing it but it was nice thats its out there and I don't have to be so secretive.

Week #19 Update

Today I had the hardest time sleeping so I got up early and went to the gym. I am anxious about my weight and had a weird dream about it. It is also hitting me that we will be finding ot if we will be having a son or a daughter if the baby cooperates. Eeeeep! Really, its all sinking in.

So here is this week's update:

How far along? 19 weeks

Total Weight gain? I don't wanna know... I will know after my drs.' apt on Wednesday, I am thinking I am up 7lbs

Maternity clothes? yup, broke out some dresses... need some new shoes b/c my feet are swelling

Sleep? I am sleeping ok

How big is baby? 1/2 a pound! Size of mango!

Latest craving? Honey dew melon,almost made Josh go out and get it for me on Sunday!

What am I looking forward to? I am loving feeling the baby and can't wait to find out what we are having today!

I will update when we know what we are having :) Hopefully the baby cooperates. This ultrasound is important not only because of the gender but it is important to make sure everything is developing ok. So I am praying all is well!

Here is me at 19 weeks!

J turns 30!

J's birthday was yesterday (same as my nonna's) it was of course bittersweet but I tried to focus on the positive!

Saturday I got him his gift, a fire pit for our backyard :) its like camping with the comforts of home! He liked it I think! Our awesome neighbors came over and brough him a gift (steak tips yummmooooo)! He insisted on eating them that day for lunch so we cooked them after he mowed the lawn, felt like summer!

So now we have a nice mowed lawn and a clean house (thanks to me ;) and we had a yummy dinner at my sister's house. They made homeade pizza... which inspired me to try to make my own pizza dough and sauce. We got a cake from the bakery that did our wedding cake and it was good night. Minus my swollen feet and migraine (sometimes I feel like I am falling apart).

Sunday we went to church with friends and went back to G-town for party #2. We got Sebatians' pizza and had cake with my in-laws. It was fine until his grandmother offered to buy me 'fat clothes'...ummmm thanks? I am already fat, I need maternity clothes. Ugh. Made me feel awkward and huge *sigh*. I know she meant well but still :(

We came home early yesterday and I wanted to get in bed at 7! I made it to 9:30 (go me:)

Definetly growing more than vegetables

This past week, I *think* I am feeling the baby more frequently. I am pretty sure I have felt the baby since week 15 but now its almost constant when I am not moving around.

Really, its is marvelously amazing! At first it felt like a flutter or a gas bubble but now it feels like rapid taps mostly under my belly button. It isn't like anything I have felt before.

It is now starting to feel much more real. Like there really is a baby in there.

We took the dogs to obedience class last night and J said it looks like I am showing. I felt a bit embarrassed..why? I don't know. I do feel self concious like I am 'hanging' out. It was sweet though.

Each day, I reflect on how thankful I am for this experience and I pray that my friends that are trying or already on their way to become mothers will be successful!

On a side note: Now that I am pregnant, I am even more annoyed than before about TV shows that portray pregnancy as a simple accident... really? Or that miscarriages don't happen or if they do, its no big deal. *sigh* I know I can't change the way society views pregnancy but realize now how tough it is to become and maintain a pregnancy. I will not take it for granted... I also hope I don't come off as too complainy because I am truly happy about this baby and will do whatever it takes!!

Moving slower... but still moving

So one thing I did not expect going into pregnancy was the feeling of shortness or breath. I know I am not a skinny girl but I feel like I have always been able to carry my weight well, maintain it and exercise to be fairly healthy.

Boy, its really depressing that walking about a brisk pace or up a flight of stairs will now leave me breathless. I know its because of two things 1. I now have asthma and 2. pregnancy increases blood volume but NOT red blood cells (those happy little O2 carriers). So I am hefting more fluids around without the help of rbcs. Great.

What am I doing about it? Well I am still moving, just slower. I walk everyday on campus, the dogs and on Wednesdays they go to obedience where there is alot of walking/moving to do.

I also started water aerobics on Saturdays. I have to say I don't have a huge bump so I was nervous of not looking pregnant with a bunch of other pregnant ladies. But I was ok and the water felt amazing! I wish I could do it everyday! I took water aerobics in college but this was different, focused on relieving our aches and pains and not raising our bp too much.

Unfortunately, I already have some swelling my ankles... probably due to salt intake and standing at work. I drink a lot of water and put my feet up but it is uncomfortable. Here is the evidence at the end of the day yesterday... its not for the faint of heart!

Weekly Update: Week #18

How far along? 18 weeks

Total weight gains: 5lbs... maybe more but I am afraid to look... it is strange that my legs feel thinner and my arms too... maybe things are redistributing?

Maternity clothes: yes, but I need more pants only have 3 pairs that I am cycling through

Sleep: Naps are my friend because I am not sleeping well at night

Feeling baby: Yes! Much more over the weekend especially its crazy feels like little taps

How big is baby: Size of a sweet potato! How appropriate!

Latest craving: Jelly beans

What am I looking forward to: water aerobics on Saturday and the big ultrasound on 4/27!

Amazing Grace

In church the pastor talked about grace and he made a point that convicted me. He said that today, we live in an environment where we are like the frog in the boiling water....if a frog sits in a pot of water and the heat is turned up over time, it will not feel the change in water and perish.

That is sort of like how we as people live in society, its easy to look around and think that "I am doing ok" when those around us are just as bad as we are. Wow. We as Christians are sinners... and yet God has given us Grace, he forgives us. That is what grace truly is. We as Christians are asked to extend grace to others...and that is hard sometimes.

It was a good and challenging service today. We sang two of my favorite hymns that brought me to tears, "How Great Thou Art" and "Amazing Grace". These two are my favorite hymns ever. It remind me just how awesome a God we serve and how much He loves us. Such a comfort. It also reminds me of my Nonna. She loved these hymns and they were played at her funeral.

It brought all those feelings of loss flooding back. I still miss her all the time but I haven't forgotten all that she has taught me.

The value of Aunts

Well I have to say I feel honored to be mentioned in two blogs this week http://tbdetermined.wordpress.com/ and http://eatdrinkbreathesweat.wordpress.com/. Ok they were my sister's blogs but they were talking about becoming aunties :)

I think back to my aunts and how they influenced me growing up. I would say I was equally close with my mom and my dad's sisters and learned alot about our family through them. As a triplet, we didn't always get alot of one-on-one time with mom, especially once she became a single parent so my mom and aunts started a special night for all of us once in a while. Our aunts and mom would take one of us out to do something special, go for pizza, a movie or shopping. I remember that fondly!

Other times, my aunt Ginny would come down to our house and we would play board games, eat fried chicken and candy ;) healthy I know! Sometimes aunt Carmela would watch us on Sundays while my parents went for a drive. Uncle Tom would come too and take us to a penny candy store in Rockport.

As I have gotten older I haven't as much time to spend with my aunts but I would say we are all close. Even when miles seperate us we still keep up. They are both very excited about baby N for sure :)

Now starts the next generation, what will my child learn from their aunties? They get to have 3! My sisters, and my sister-in-law who might as well be my other sister. I just know that my sisters will set a good example for him or her. Teach them confidence, diligence and how to have fun aunty-style :) I can see them playing with them at the camp in Maine or at the beach. Or making pizza with Jess and Scott and playing with Jolene's kitties (or Jess's) :) I am excited to see that relationship evolve... even if it means they may get to change a few stinky diapers. Let the auntie throwdown begin!

Love you sisters and I am so excited you get to be aunties!!

Half and Half as my Nonna would say

Thats how I feel right now.

She used to say it when she wasn't feeling good or wasn't feeling terrible. I can totally relate today.

I guess because this time of year makes me think of her, her birthday is in just over a week and its the same as J's. When we were dating J would bring my Nonna a bouquet of roses to celebrate (which *swoon* I adored as did Nonna). Even when she realized they shared a birthday she said 'I always knew I liked that boy' haha!

This time last year is even painful to think about because even though I was holding onto a glimmer of hope, she was slipping away in the hospital.

Now that we are having a baby my heart breaks because I know how much she would have wanted to meet our baby. She would have been so proud. For now, I comfort myself by knowing she's in heaven looking down on us smiling.

She's with me everyday. I even have a picture of her on my desk with my great aunt Catherine (now passed) which was her aunt!

I know with life there is death... I just wish we got Nonna just a little bit longer. My heart still hurts with the pain of loss. But I know she would be the first to say 'Live life while you are young" and " don't be sad for me". I know she lived a good long life and I cherish the time with her.

Weekly Update: Week #17

Hopefully this isn't too annoying but thought it would be fun to update this way:
How far along? 17 weeks today

Total weight gain/loss: Up 4lbs. total (I'll admit it)

Maternity clothes? I never want to wear a waisteband again! I have one pair of jeans and one pair of pants. And one pair of khakis that still fit.

Sleep: Sleeping well finally! The snoogle pillow is my friend!

Feeling baby? Yes hear and there, feels fluttery, over the weekend I felt it when I drank Diet Coke with dinner :)

Latest Craving? Pizza and fruit (just NOT melon unless its honey dew)

What am I looking forward to? 4/27 the Big UltraSound!

I am back and I have something big to announce!

So I have sort of shy'd away from blogging for a bit because alot has been going on that I wasn't quite ready to share. But now I am!

I am 16 weeks pregnant! Eeek even as I type it, it doesn't seem real still! You'd think it would right? Well, I am so thrilled but face each day with trepidation! Why?

Well, I have wanted this for so long! And just as we started to think about trying, I had emergency surgery and lost a tube. It was pretty crushing because, though I know it was coincidental, I felt like it cut our chances in half. In November, I was diagnosed with PCOS.

Another crushing blow. The new Dr. of my practice delivered the news pretty calously and I just felt devastated. Ready to give up and just put off trying for a while. But despite the fact that it was the holiday season, I got on South Beach, started working out and tried to adopt a positive attitude.

Christmas was super hard for me. First, it made me miss my Nonna so much and second it made me long to add to our family. Of course, I prayed and hoped. Put my faith in God's hands which is hard to do, as we all know.

So how did it happen?
I am NOT going to say it was easy, or that I just sat back and relaxed. I hate it when people say 'stop trying and it will happen' Ugh!!

Anyway, I was actually 55 days (thanks PCOS) into my cycle and right after New years was at a conference, when I started to feel 'not right'. I was chaulking it up to conference food and PMS. But when I got back from the conference on a Thursday night. On a whim I took a test.

I didn't expect anything especially because I was 10 DPO (days past ovulation), yes I kept track (but thats another story).

I really couldn't beleive it. I told J at dinner and he didn't believe it either. So I waited until the next morning and tested with 2 other tests at like 5am. I rushed back into the bedroom and jumped on the bed and asked J if he could see a line.

Blurry-eyed he squinted and nodded. Joy, relief, excitement and pure fear marked that moment.

I called the OB/gyn and got bw that day. We were planning to go on vacation the following week so I had b/w on Friday and Sunday morning.

Sunday morning J had gone to church early and I went for b/w. I stopped at Target to pee and grab a snack on the way to church. My cell rang and it was the OB... my beta was a 41... I was pregnant for sure! But not out of the woods. This number needed to double every 48h to be normal.

I had prayed in church that it had doubled and that Sunday's bw would show it. On Monday, we were on our way to VT for vacation and the OB called, it was a 91!

Our vacation was even better because timing wise, I got to sleep alot. And honestly felt pretty good until 6 weeks in.

I will spare you the 1st trimester details but I had it all minus puking (I actually wish I did puke b/c I think I would have felt better) but the fatigue, naseua, heart burn, dizziness. And I would do it all again! I had a scary week when I started spotting but it was ok and the ultra sound showed a tiny gummy bear with a beating heart and all the panic was forgotten!

So, now I am in 2 trimester, which they say is the best one. Ha, we'll see. I am feeling pretty good now.

Keep you posted more regularly now! Baby N is on its way!