Its not that scary

I have been dreading the anniversary of this night for a long time. Why?

Tonight is the anniversary of the night that I was re-admitted back to the hospital with a c-section infection. I remember much of that day vividly. I remember the searing pain I felt in my incision at 5am when I woke up with on the couch after many hours of on and off being up with a crying baby. I remember my IL's coming over and my SIL helping me get changed, seeing blood and not thinking it was anything. I remember it was warm, humid and summery night and the brief joy I felt when I took a nice warm shower. However, a short time later, I remember the paralyzing fear I felt when I knew my incision was infected and waiting in the bathroom for J to call the Family Center. Ugh, it still feels like a terrible nightmare.

Tonight, I am snuggling with Liam and Ladybug is nearby. Rain is tapping on the window and I have a baby sleeping all snug for the last 3 hours. J is still at work. He would have been at work this time last year if I wasn't in the hospital as this is the end of quarter.

I thought the memories of this night would just haunt me and paralyze me tonight. But, they are not. It feels good to put it behind me. I am ok. I made it. I have an amazing baby girl, a husband that loves me and two very loyal pups.

I am so glad I am not lying on a gurney getting my blood cultures drawn. Man those hurt! Feels good to feel like me again, it feels like it took a long time to get her but here I am and I am happy dare I say.

I am hoping that the few more scary memory days that are coming up will not be as scary when I get to them. Does that make sense? I hope it does!

Tonight, even though I am home alone with my little one without J, I know that I am ok and that I can conquer these flashbacks because truly time heals all wounds!