Growing up

'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh' Genesis 2:24

I married J 4 years ago on a beautiful sunny December (yes, December) in the church I grew up in front of 140 of our friends and family.

When we said our vows, to love honor and cherish through sickness and health neither of us really knew how these vows would be tested. We've had our share of ups and downs and so far have weathered this thing called marriage. For some, four years is an accomplishment, others its a drop in the hat (like my grandparents married 60+ years). Just the same, these years have gone slow and fast at the same time.

What I am realizing now is that in my preparation to be married (no it wasn't just the fairytale wedding day, like so many brides) I feel like I kind of skipped over the 'leaving your family to be with my husband part' and what that would really mean and feel like.

Obviously, when J and I got married somethings changed, we moved to a new home, in a new state, we saw our families less and socialized more as a couple. Of course we were close to family but as the last 4 years have passed our ties to our families loosened and we became more of a unit.

Having a baby changed all that. I think it makes you more dependent on family for support and yet bondaries need to remain intact so that our little family can become defined. Its a fine line.

J and I have certainly gotten into a groove with Isabel and our life has become alot more settled these last few months. We are making our own decisions about how to raise Isabel, even if it means ignoring well-meaning advice. We are doing it our way. Thats new. We haven't always had 'our way' of doing things. Now, because of Isabel we are a cohesive unit.

It requires more compromise, honesty and some change in the way we do things. For example, when we would go to Gloucester we would do a marathon visit and see each set of parents in a day, or at least try to.

Now? We only see one set at a time. Even if it means less frequent trips and less frequent visits we can't manage it with Isabel. Its too much.

That's tough for me. I look forward to seeing all of our family. His and mine because it means they get to cherish our little Isabel. I spend so much time with her its fun to share. However, it means alot of driving and less one-on-one time for J and Isabel. Weekends have become precious.

Now that I am staying home with Isabel I have less distractions and would love to just pick up and visit my sister(s) on a whim but it takes planning with Isabel and I don't want to leave J home alone either.

However, J works long days and isn't home until 8-9pm sometimes so I long for a visit or someone to have dinner with.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't meant to sound complain-y at all.

I guess its just a reflection on how our little family has developed, is growing and what it means to be married.

I think alot of times, especially in this day and age we don't always realize that once we are married that means that that makes us a new unit. We are our parent's children but we are our spouses' husband or wife first. And vice versa, our parents have to realize we are their kids but we have kids now and we make the decisions (which by the way are final) now.

Its the natural progression of life and its good but its bittersweet.

I love my husband and daughter fiercly and my family dearly. I love how much they love her. I have found this process of becoming a parent changing me in ways I didn't expect and thats actually a good thing. I feel closer to J and my family but that relationship with each of them has been re-defined.