Doubt

As you might imagine, getting a baby that doesn't sleep well to sleep consistently and in her crib has been a challenge.

We for the most part had success this week getting her to sleep in her crib for naps and some nights she started off in her crib and ended up with us.

I don't mind her sleeping with us but when she wakes up every few hours with me (who knows why) and nothing will put her back down its frustrating.

Cue the doubt.

I have been cranky, tired and haven't had a lot of patience and I am sure it mostly due to my lack of sleep and frustration that I can't help Isabel sleep better.

What does J think? He is supportive to whatever I want to try but he isn't home early enough to help with naps or nighttime that much so that falls on me.

Since Isabel's birth I have shouldered the sleep responsibility because for the most part she needed to nurse to sleep because in a phrase nothing else worked and believe me short of CIO I tried it.

So, here we are at 9 months and part of me feels like she can sleep through the night, she is capable of going to sleep without nursing but it takes motion, a car ride, stroller ride or in her carrier being worn.

Its not that I don't want to put her down by nursing, I feel like she can do it without and want to foster that because eventually we will start weaning and I don't want her to rely on nursing to sleep or she never will (or at least it will take longer).

All this is to say that I am doubtful that any of this is going to work and that maybe she isn't ready for this step even if I am.

I am dissapointed in myself. Are my expectations too high? Unrealistic? Am I not trying hard enough? Reading too many books and expecting her to be textbook?

Maybe I am being too hard on myself. She's a baby. My daughter and really, from conversations with my mom, I was much like her.

So this week, because I am done staying home to watch puppy boy aka Liam, I can get back into my routine without worrying about his stiches. I am going to try to keep to a nap schedule but also in between do stuff I know will interest her and tire her out. That always helps naps. If she sleeps in the car or stroller? No biggie. If she sleeps one nap in her crib during the day great!

I need to let go alittle and this week I think I can. Its hard because one of the other goals I have for crib sleep is that a babysitter could put her down so I can work if she would go in a crib and I can work longer while I know she is safely sleeping in her crib.

My dissertation is hanging over my head and I know I have got to finish and one of the ways is doing it while she naps. But if getting her to nap is a battle, is worth the extra hr. I get to work? It doesn't seem like it. So, the alternative is getting her to bed earlier so I can work after that.

Oh, I know it will all get done but its a process.