Crocodile tears, runny noses and hot weather...what a mix!

Yesterday did not go according to plan, but does it ever?!

Brent was going to come by in the morning to go over my dissertation progress and so I worked hard to get Isabel to nap so I could concentrate.

She took 2 short naps in the span of time that Brent was supposed to be here. He forgot.

That's kind of a bummer when you have a baby and are working to schedule stuff.

He called later and asked to come in the afternoon.

Bingo.

I figured she would take her second nap and then we could work and talk.

She was just dropping off to sleep when he called that he was coming over.

Perfect.

He walks in the door and of course Isabel wakes up.

She's overtired, runny nose and hot.

I try to distract her and juggle her while we talk.

I tried her in the high chair feeding her Mum Mums like they were going out of business

I sat her on the floor to play

Put her in her pack and play

Gave her a sippy cup.

NOTHING WORKED.

She was wailing this pitiful sickie sad tearful mournful cry.

Oh the guilt.

I tried so hard to take it in stride because Brent was there and I didn't want it to seem like I was all wrapped up in my baby. And yet, all I wanted to do was nurse her and comfort her and tell him to go.

In the end she calmed enough to get some stuff done but I felt so discouraged.

I can do this. I can handle a baby and my dissertation. I feel like Brent won't see that now because I had a baby melting down and I was spilt for attention.

If he had come in the morning it would have been better. Next time, I will have my mother's helper watch her and I will go to campus.

Still, I felt defeated. Like motherhood was kicking my butt. I shouldn't be so hard on myself because he changed the time and I had an unexpectedly sick kid. I did my best.

I will press on, I will overcome my defeated feelings somehow and work hard. I always finish what I start. ALWAYS.

So after he left, Isabel was way over tired so I put her in the car with the dogs and just drove. AC up, music going and just drove. Well, I stopped for coffee.

It was all I could do. Liam and Ladybug enjoyed the treat of a ride and Isabel slept. She woke up much cheerier and like nothing ever happened, though her nose was still running like a faucet.

She ended up going down early last night and was ok last night, but did need a stint in the steamy shower to stop coughing at 2am.

Today, she is fine. I am thankful but doesn't it figure?!

Anyway, what I took away is that my daughter is the most important thing, impressing my boss with my mothering skills is not. I couldn't control the situation, it was out of my hands and I did the best I could.

Its hard to let go of my feelings of defeat because as a woman in science, I never wanted to be looked at as weak because I was married, have a baby or a life outside of work.

Ah well, a fight for another day. I will keep plugging.