When the news isn't good

Ladybug 7/14/2007 When we adopted her




Ladybug 11/4/10 Lounging on the couch

I can't hold my breath any longer and just 'hope' that things with Ladybug are going to be ok.

I knew as soon as I felt that lump it wasn't going to be good. Right there on her belly, hard lumpy little lump.

We were on vacation and I tried to convince myself that it was just a benign little lump. But in my heart I knew it was serious.

It seems like we are having an 'unlucky' streak.

This year has been one thing after another. I got a serious c-section infection that is so rare most of my nurses had never seen it in their 20+ year career but once before. Liam got a complication from getting quilled such that quills are still migrating out of his wrist joint and now of course Ladybug has a cancerous tumor but not just any tumor.

This mammary tumor only occurs 25% of the time and most of the time is benign. But not for Ladybug. *sigh*

This is where I could look back at this year and say 'boo hoo, why me God?' But I won't. If I did, it wouldn't be a very good showing of my faith.

I believe that as a Christian, I am not exempt from difficult times, even if they seem to pile up one on another for a year. Sometimes, these times are a period of testing a person's faith. Other times, it just it what it is and being a Christian just doesn't prevent bad situations. My faith this year has been tested and strengthened. I am trying to take the perspective that I have my faith and through tough times its my faith in God that carries me through. Where would I be without Him?

So, here is where we are. In a tough situation again. But I don't feel angry toward God for this year of 'bad luck'. I can't explain why its all happening now but I know that I am right where I need to be with my walk with God and I know He is in this.

Where do we go from here?

Well, the oncologist said that we can do chemotherapy and that will hopefully keep tumors from returning in the short term but in the end that this cancer will likely return in a couple of years and be what will do her in. That's the crappy part.

I had been hoping that she'd need just a couple of treatments and that would ensure it wouldn't come back at all.

Unfortunately, that's not the case.

Her tumor is rare because most dogs are spayed at 6 months but because she is a rescue she wasn't spayed until 2 years old. That greatly increasing the risk of this cancer. since its not well studied the oncologist was being cautious not to give us too much false hope but since it hasn't spread yet it could mean it could be at least delayed for a while. There's just not a lot of data out there to give a definitive prognosis. So I am hoping that this could mean she could have a longer healthy life than the oncologist can guesstimate.

I know that we are giving Ladybug the best life we can.

She we 47lbs, flea bitten, just getting over heartworm and had hookworm when she came to us. She has blossomed into a rambuctious, quirky, playful, loving and loyal girl who I love dearly. She's so intuitive. When I was pregnant she 'just knew' and when my incision opened she was trying to lick at it and I didn't realize till after she already knew what was happening and was trying to 'fix it'. I wouldn't say she's MY dog but I feel like we share a very special bond. She is my first dog, she has taught me how to love deeply and what loyalty is. She prepared me for being a mom (so did Liam with all of his antics) but truely she's one of kind. She was meant for us and we are meant for her.

We will do all we can to take care of her and love her and give her the best 'dog' life we can as long as we can and cherish the time.