Letting go one step at a time: Isabel's first day of 'school'

Yea, I am struggling with what to call it. She is going to a 'day school' its more than a daycare facility. It goes up to kindergarten and they have an afterschool program k-12. So I guess its 'school' even she's only a toddler. Each room has a curriculumn and stuff they teach them rather than just play. I feel good about it because it has structure.

Originally the plan was to start her today 1/2 day 8-noon. Then Hurricane Irene happened and though we suffered minimal damage and no power loss my work was cancelled. How could I send her to 'school' when I didn't have something concrete to occupy my time?

So we made the best on Monday and she is going tomorrow morning.

Gah.

The anticipation of the unknown is always the worst in my book. On one hand, I feel ready to let go a bit...did I just say that?!

Well, yes.

For the greater good of finishing my dissertation, I can let go for 12h a week knowing she will play and interact with kids and teachers. I can do that.

The thought of someone else 'raising' her kills me though and I am greatful and thankful I get to spend so much time doing that. That is NOT to say that there aren't amazing caretakers out there that love the kids they take care of like there own but there is something about 'mommy care' that I relish.

I have been so anxious about my dissertation and my advisor has in a word been very patient with me.

Honestly, any sooner than now and I wouldn't be ready to do this. I am still not. Even as I sit here I am doubting this decision.

But, here is what I have discerned through my prayers and wisdom I have recieved from other moms.

This opportunity for me to go back AND find a center that would take Isabel 1/2 time with a couple of mom friends sending their kids there too just didn't happen on its own. God was is in it. He opened the doors I 'knocked' on. He is preparing my heart and mind for this because I NEED it big time.

Its been a heck of year and its not over yet. However, I know God has a bigger plan and though I have to 'give her up' for a bit, I know in the end I will always be her mummy.

So, tonight, I am packing her lunch and labeling her clothes and feeling very 'mom' like. Its a lot of work to prepare for in advance but we pulled it together.