Lately, I have been finding myself lost in my thoughts. ALOT. I keep thinking its because I am contemplating going back to work, my dissertation, Isabel's sleeping habits.
Its probably all that. And then some.
I think anxiety is slowly creeping into my life.
I am dissapointed.
I want to feel like I can handle anything. After all with God in control, how can I be anxious?
Well I am and I don't like it.
I think that the PTSD is rearing its ugly head again. I have a feeling its because the months are adding up and we are nearing Isabel's first birthday.
I want to be overjoyed and I am. Part of me is sad though.
I keep replaying all that has happened in the beginning. I want to move on. I need to. Its what needs to happen and yet I feel stuck.
How am I going to get through it?
I want to say that I am going to just find a way to overcome this on my own. Actually, I don't think I can. This is bigger than me.
What is comforting me is that God is bigger than this, He is my strength in my weakness.
I am accepting that maybe my mind will wander to the events of the past and its still going to be hard for a while. But I am hoping that this fall we can create some new memories, some happier ones.
I love our little family and I am thankful for this week to have a week away with J and Isabel and the pups so we can catch up and have a chance to relax...well not really relax with a busy baby but still its been beautiful weather and nice to be a family!
2 comments:
We will make new memories together this fall. What a difference a year makes...and looking back, despite a lot of trials, there were a lot of blessings as well, for all of us. And for the struggles you are having, He will get you through. Love you sis.
Just remember sis, we're always here for you to help you stay strong and to get through this anxious time. And like Jo said, it's time to make some beautiful and fun new memories together with the little one and her favorite aunties!! :-)
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