Nonno

This week my Nonno passed away. He was my dad's dad and we did not have the closest relationship but I am still sad he passed away.

I feel more sad for my dad. In the last few weeks I gained some perspective into their relationship that I had never known before.

My Nonno was straight off the boat from Italy. He and my Nonna came to the US to start a new life. He was a police officer in Italy but had to start a new career here as a painter. He married my Nonna in Italy and then she moved here and raised my dad and aunt. He wasn't really a family man, he liked traveling and pursuing his own interests. I didn't spend alot of time with him growing up and spent much more time with my Nonna. He was in a word fickle. One day he was lovin life and happy as a clam, the next he was picking fights and holding grudges.

My dad always had a tumultuous relationship with him, as did much of the family including my dear Nonna.

I think looking at it now my dad took it the hardest when Nonno would get angry and hurtful.

I can't explain my Nonno, I don't think any one really could. But it was hard on my dad. There were times in dad's life when Nonno was kind to him and others, generous and even tender. But much of the time he wasn't like that.

My dad longed for a good relationship with him, a consistent one. One that would not change in an instant and cause them not to speak for a year or more. I think that my Nonno hurt him so much because my dad loved him and wanted a good relationship with him and no matter what my dad didn't get that with him. That's the part that I see now and it makes me sad.

Dad and Nonno hadn't really spoken much since my Nonna passed 2 years ago and a couple of weeks ago he started asking to see dad. Dad went to see him and I encouraged it, even though I know it was hard for dad. I didn't want my dad to regret not seeing him. Its not like all was patched up in the couple of times my dad visited him but they made their peace. Nonno even learned he had a great grandbaby and he smiled at that.

I think my Nonno loved us girls even if he didn't show it much. I tried mostly because it meant alot to dad and Nonna.

My dad and I have had our own rocky patches in the past and I was always nervous my dad and I would have a relationship like he and Nonno. I am thankful that our relationship has evolved into a loving one that is fortified by lil' Isabel.

So, I am sad to say goodbye to Nonno but hopeful that much of the hurt and pain dad felt from this rocky relationship can be healed over time.