Worshipfulness

For the last few years J and I have been bouncing around churches trying to find the right fit for our family. We settled into one for just over a year and it was a good fit for a few reasons.

First, there were a lot of opportunities for us to plug in and get involved. I joined the women's group and choir and J joined the tech team. The church was a large one which reminded me much of my Gordon days.

For many I am sure a big church (we are talking each service can seat +800 with 2 services) might feel overwhelmed and it may feel impersonal. For me it was a nice change from the small and aging churches (though very important and full of the Holy Spirit for sure) just didn't suit our needs as we were seeking to grow our family.

We embraced the activities, outreach and weekly responsibilities of attending the church. I made good friends right away and we were blessed with a fabulous opportunity to join a small group of couples like us. J worked hard (almost a full work day) on Sundays getting to church at 6am each week.

We enjoyed the preaching and the music. I found that the preaching was contemporary, had a good message and application. Some weeks I felt challenged but other weeks not. Overtime I felt that if I weren't involved in the church so heavily in other ways the preaching may not keep me there.

It raised a tough question for me and J. What are the reasons to attend a church? Do we only attend/join a church if we like a particular preacher's sermons? If we like the activities? The music? The Sunday School? The location? The time? Friends that attend there too?

Obviously at least for us attending a church just for one of these listed reasons isn't good. But what about the challenge I recieved in college to attend church as way to show God that I am giving of my time outwardly to worship. Wasn't our mighty God worth 2-3h of our time in a week? When I look at it that way I feel sheepish because in reality I should be devoting at least 2-3h a day. Its definetly something I struggle with and work on daily.

J and I ended up leaving that church last spring, it was a tough departure because we enjoyed many parts of the church and dear friends but we just didn't align with the direction the church as a whole was heading.

We are now attending a church we tried out when we were first married. Its a smaller church but still has many opportunities to be involved. We are still working on fitting ourselves into the church but have started the process of membership.

Now that we have Isabel just getting to church is a challenge. Thats tough for me because I especially love the season of advent. I miss singing in choir and adopting a child to buy gifts for during the holidays. We are missing most of it.

But do I miss the sermons? The act of going to church? Right now, honestly its a relief not to have to bundle our little one up to get to a service on time.

Yet, I am struggling with worshiping on my own. Its not the way I want it to be, watching a service online feels distant and yet church isn't about just the sermon, or the music or anyone thing its all of it. Its also finding a community of beleivers to support and be supported by in spiritual and tangible ways.

I am not saying we aren't going to church while Isabel is little because we will probably be going next week but its been since September since we have been able to go since I was sick and Isabel is so little.

God has blessed us so much this year inspite of some really tough experiences that challenged everything I thought I knew. He is a steadfast God. I know He doesn't need me to go to church to prove I am devoted to Him but its my sacrifice of time that honors Him.

More than ever I want both J and I to be a good role model to Isabel and to teach her to know our Almighty God.