No time for me

I shouldn't use Facebook as an indictor of how life is going for friends and family because I know looks can be decieving. I also know thats its wrong to cast judgement on others and especially if its over petty stuff.

However, and I feel bad admitting this but I am frustrated with myself and am sick of not feeling put together at all.

Yesterday it reached a breaking point. I am rushing around on a beautiful spring morning to take Isabel out for a fun day at the park with friends and I am getting all worked up about stupid stuff.

I can't find any of my sunglasses, none of my cute summer shoes fit, nor do some of my capris, my non-maternity t-shirts looks ratty and I can't wear a dress because none of the tops are breastfeeding appropriate.

My hair is in my face and I am running out of my favorite foundation and I quickly threw on toe nail polish the night before but I am feeling like a HOT MESS.

I was never the put-together, never a hair out of place girl.

Nor was I ever the skinny or selvte, but rather curvy.

If I could describe myself, I would call myself cute rather than pretty and definetly not sexy (which is fine by me thats not the look I am going for!)

I am carrying some extra weight from pregnancy and while we were trying and that is bugging me for sure.

Anyway, as I raced around while Isabel napped I lost perspective and was ready to break down into tears over the outwardly dishevled mess I feel I have become.

In reality, I know that I probably don't look as bad as I feel. That I always manage to pull something together to look presentable and cute, that even though I go way longer than I used to between hair cuts I can still do something with my hair and even though I don't have a huge wardrobe I make what I have work.

The weight issue?

Well, thats a work in progress I guess.

I just find myself constantly comparing myself to SAHM and working moms and feel like I look like the least put together out of them all. Maybe its true.

Why is that?
1. Instead of shopping for myself and buying new pieces of clothes for me to replenish/update my wardrobe I buy for Isabel instead. We don't have a lot of extra wiggle room and I can make do. Plus its more fun to shop for her than me. Logistically its easier too, no lugging a baby into the changing room required! Plus, I would rather not look at my roadmap of stretch marks, and scars that is my stomach these days.

2. Getting my haircut has been disasterous. J, bless his heart has watched Isabel both times but both times she wasn't great for him and cried alot. I know I need to do this for me but the guilt that surrounds it stinks!

3. Same for pedicures! They are $$ and I can't really bring Isabel or leave her!

4. As a mom, I have become accostomed to putting myself last, well not first or even second these days. Its the natural progression I am sure but sometimes it really affects my outward appearance.

I am not saying I am a martyr for my child or a saint either. I guess I am just reflecting on how having a baby, or really this baby has changed how I look, what I wear and even the weight that I am.

Do I resent it? NO, not at all.

However, I look at my other mom friends and just wonder how they do it, look so good and raise terrific, happy kids?

What's their secret? Because cleary I am missing something!