It feels like alot all at once

Last night I found myself sitting on my kitchen floor crying.... why? Well its alot of things wrapped into one moment.

Liam, has been having seizures since January. Four that I have witnessed and possibly more that we haven't. The concern is that they are getting more frequent, 2 in 2 weeks.

Solution? Medication 2x a day every 12h. What happened? Well he is groggy and clumsy and sometimes restless. He is still the sweet puppy I love but the change in behavior is unnerving.

The challenge is that for 3 weeks he is on one dose that his body will adjust to and then hopefully we won't see another seizure. However, he might still them in the next 3 weeks or after the 3 weeks and then we would need to up his meds more. Apparently, his body will adjust and he will stop having the side effects that are so worrisome to me.

It has been hard to leave him to go to work this week, fearing he will have a seizure while I am gone and the way he responds to the meds makes me sad too.

Last night was my breaking point.

I came home from work and he was slow to rise and was swaggering around. Like he was drunk. He had tumbled down the stairs in the morning and I was afraid he was hurt by that.

I put in a call to the vet, who is amazing and will drop everything to talk to me. She has a soft spot for goldens :) She has 2. She didn't call back and things were getting worse.

I was in the kitchen attempting to make dinner and went to light the grill, Liam usually follows me around. Instead he just laid on the floor and would not get up. I called the vet and they patched me through.

While we talked about lessening his dose, Liam did get up on his own to lick my face (good sign ;)

So we gave him 1/2 the dose last night and this morning and he seems alot more like himself. I am at work now and later will take him to the vet just for a quick look-see before we go on vacation next week.

I can't beleive how overwrought I am over this. I obviously love my animals like they are my children. I know this is a process of getting him on the right dose and that this is best but still it is ripping my heart out!

God never gives us more that we can handle, and I need to trust He is in control. Yet, I am stressed about this situation.

Adding to that the gestational diabetes, my exhaustion from not sleeping through a night due to bathroom breaks and hip pain and I am just not feeling myself.

This is NOT a pity party for one. I know life isn't always up or always down. I just needed to share my worry.

We go on vacation next week with the dogs so that will help me relax because we will all be together!