I said I wouldn't do it

Be that mom that tears up at commercials (i.e. PG Olympics commercials really got me oy!) or when they go off to school. But just the *thought* of Isabel going to elementary school brought me to tears this morning.

J and I were getting her ready for 'school' at her new daycare today I just marveled at how grown up she looks to me. J said 'just think in a few short years she will be off to school' gah!!!!! I just teared up and hugged her.

Growing up, its a necessary part of life and I am not trying to slow it down or squelch it but at the same time I can't ignore it.

I love every stage of Isabel's life so far. It just keeps getting more fun. That is not to say I don't have my moments of frustration with her like when she takes off a poopy diaper and runs around the house with it, or she reaches over and pinches me when she doesn't get what she wants, or when she refuses to nap or go to bed.  All in all though, the great outweighs the bad, as it should!

At the start of the summer when we changed gears and I went from p/t work to full time stay at home mom, I felt a little scared. I wasn't sure I could fill our days with activities, structure and enough fun to not be bored, frustrated and cranky at times.  I have to say I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to find fun things to do and enjoy our days. It does take conscious effort not to wish away the day and to stay engaged. There were days where I didn't want to even look at play doh or finger paint.  But the days we spend at the beach are priceless, and fleeting.

I know this *tear*.

And yet, I am going to make the conscious effort to hold onto the good and precious moments and welcome the future ones.  I am trying to take this approach so that it doesn't sting so much when I look over and see my baby growing before my eyes.  Not that I want to go back to the newborn days but it just reminds me how fast time goes.

We visited where I will be teaching in the fall which is also my alma matter last week and it hit me that she will be in college before I know it.

I treasure my days with my girl and the more time we spent together, the harder it is for me to let her go. I find this to be true of all the people I love, especially my mom and sisters.  Its easy to get set into routines where we only visit a little bit here and there but there have been times in the recent past where my mom and I or my sisters and I have spent longer periods together and feel twinges of sadness when it is over.  I guess that's how you know you really love someone, when you long for more time together.

Anyway, I am happy to see my precious Isabel growing up but its not without a twinge of sadness. I wish I could pause time sometimes.  She's the best and I am so glad we had the whole summer together!