I had this thought yesterday

"I want to go home"

Sad right?

I AM home. This is our home.

I should be grateful right?

I AM grateful, thankful and fortunate to say the least but it doesn't mean I don't still feel somewhat unsettled.

Its funny, just as Isabel craves routine because it helps her to know what to expect and avoids fear I am the same way.

Maybe its human nature but even though we can pretty much do what we have always done just in a new location AND with family (huge plus)

Its still weird.

Maybe its that I feel like a freakin' celebrity just to go grocery shopping. I mean that's exaggerating it but, I am from a town where everyone knows everyone and people don't leave after high school as the norm so when I am back in town I am sure to see at least someone I know.

Don't get me wrong its kind of nice to 'bump' into people but I guess I kind of liked being anonymous. I was able to shed my 'high school' persona and define the real me, NOT the one that I was back then.

I have grown up, changed and experienced life. Not that folks here have not but I don't want to feel cast in the shadow of how I used to be. Its not that I am ashamed or anything, I just changed like everyone does.

I think the other part of it is is that I moved in January. Even though we don't have a lot of snow, its too cold to enjoy a lot of what I love about this town. Especially with a toddler. Like the parks, beach and lots of walking places.

To make it better, my good friend met me at our N&B story time instead of going to the one we usually go to and hung out at the mall with me. It was nice, comfortable and familiar but in a new location.

I know I will make new friends and get re-aquainted with old ones and life will go on. For now, I am just mourning the loss of my 'old' life and I bet I will look back in 6 months and wonder why I ever felt this way at all.

At least I hope this will be the case!