I was home for a the first few minutes of the home inspection and seeing the future buyer standing on my land, in my garden actually stung. Alright, tears welled up. This move is bittersweet. In my head, I know that once we move I will be able to see all the ways this move is right but I am going to miss our first little home, our friends, our vet and pedi and all the things that made it home for 5 1/2 years. Thats actually the longest I have lived in one place since high school!
Anyway, it got me thinking about the cascading effect the move is having on our lives and for a bit I have had some regretful thoughts, not REGRET but just some thoughts, what ifs actually.
What if I just stayed through the school year and TA'd in the spring to help pay for childcare so can write my dissertation and keep Isabel in school?
What if Isabel doesn't like being home with me all the time?
What if I she goes to my friend's for childcare a bit during the week and doesn't like it?
What if I can't finish my dissertation with her not going to daycare 3 days a week?
What if I don't find other moms to connect with once we move?
What if I don't like it once we move?
Ugh, I could go on but you get my gist. Change is hard sometimes, especially when not ALL of the change feels like good change. I will probably look back and read these what ifs later and laugh at myself. I hope I do. I hope that even though we are giving up our home and renting and I will be home with Isabel that all these plusses outweigh the sadness I feel about leaving.
I just didn't anticipate Isabel liking daycare, I almost cried when I talked to her teachers about leaving yesterday. It was such a hard won battle to get her used to daycare and hard for me to give her up and now just to move? Ugh.
I didn't think it would take me so long to right. Right there, you are probably saying 'duh, mama! Its not like when you didn't have a kid and had energy!"
Anyway, when I get down like this, I know prayer is the answer. I am just taking a leap and trusting that downsizing and will be better for our family and financially that in the end, I may not have it ALL but I will have what is most important.
Time with family.
4 comments:
Sometimes you just have to take that giant LEAP of faith and just go for it. I'm a big believer in change being a good thing, a way to induce new evolutions in your life, in your relationship with Isabel, your relationship with J, and your relationship with your family, but above all - your relationship with YOU will evolve because of this. I firmly believe that. Keep that faith burning sis. xo
Hey Jen!! Are you moving back to Gloucester?? If so, let me know...I was really involved in a church up there, and I know there's lots of moms up there w/ young kiddos..I am pretty sure they have a ladies bible study one morning w/ childcare, and a mom and tots group, and mom's night out and stuff...great bunch of ladies...once you move, if you want more info, let me know! Praying the sale of your house goes through, and you feel peace! Merry Christmas!
((hugs)) sis. I know this feeling well. When I sold my house, even though I knew it was right, when it came down to it, it was still hard, and sad, and like I was walking away from something I'd built up so much. But like anything, you will adjust, and you will see all the good that rises out of what may feel like a difficult situation right now. And time with family? Can never put a price on that, it's truly priceless. And I cannot wait to be closer to you! XOXOXO
Thank you everyone, that means a lot. I know in the end we will be happier and its the right decision but it just feels hard right now. Yes, Cheryl we are moving back in about a month!
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