Going home.......

I got myself cleaned up and ready to go but I really felt terrible, being a tough cookie I just decided to go for it and go home, did I have a choice?

Here is a photo of us ready to leave and I still look very puffy and tired.

The ride home with Isabel was slow and quiet :) When we got home I really just didn't know what to do with myself, I literally just walked around the house aimlessly while J unloaded the car and set stuff up. Isabel was asleep in her infant seat so I tried to do stuff but I felt nervous to leave walk around the living room.

J got us settled and went to the store to get lunch, meds and baby stuff. Wow, I was alone in the house with the baby. Woo. Kind of overwhelming considering I could barely walk or stand long. We didn't have a choice though, it was just us. Our fearless little team.

J came home with a late lunch and then headed off to get our furkids and I had my neighbor come over to keep me company while he was gone. Of course the pups were overjoyed to see me and amazingly good to the baby. Our family was complete and we tried to settle in for the night. I did call my mom that night and complain that my 'pooch' where the baby had been in my lower abdomen was getting heavier and more painful (we figured it was the edema and cellulitis), I just tried to suck it up and keep up with pain meds, which was percocet.

Instead of sleep, Isabel had other plans, she basically cried and fussed all night long so J and I got no sleep. I think I handled it better because I hadn't been sleeping through the night for the past 7 months. By 5am she was sleeping and at 9am I woke up to the phone ringing.

We had a nurse visit from a nurse at the Family ctr there to check Isabel and me. She's a pediatric nurse, Angela who happens to live down the road from us. Isabel was fine and she looked at my incision and warned I should check it often througout the day. She said if my incision opened for any reason I should come right back and baby and J could stay with me but they would have to open it all the way up and then not stitch it back together and it would have to grow back on its own. I thought it was strange she was making such a big deal about it but took her advice as the day went on.

In the afternoon, I decided to take a shower once the baby was sleeping on J. I will say as bad as I felt, it was the best shower I ever had, I was probably in there for about 45 minutes. I came out feeling like a new woman despite how crappy I was feeling.

That night J's mom and sister came over to bring us a recliner and we had dinner made for us by our neighbor. I basically got waited on for a while by his family. It was so nice to only have to feed the baby and get up to pee. I was honestly feeling hazy and in a lot of pain. The pain was in my abdomen and it was feeling heavier and heavier. The nurse had said to put a pad in the incision every once in a while to wick the moisture away. Around 8pm I did that. J and his mom were at the grocery store and Jackie was with me. I had gone to pee and noticed my new underwear were bloody but I figured it was from the lochia (bleeding after the baby).

*****warning this part is not for the faint of heart****************************************
I changed my underwear and sat back down. It was around that time I started noticing the pain in my abdomen increasing (burning) on one side. Also there was a smell, like gas. I figured I was gassy from the stool softeners. J's mom came back with J and J decided to take a nap while I fed the baby and hung out with his mom. They left around 10:30pm and J came down from his nap around 11pm.

Ladybug came running over the me and began to try to lick my abdomen, I was shooing her away (gross right?!) and decided to go to the bathroom because it had been a while. J helped me to the bathroom and was there to check my incision. He helped me take the pad out and we both smelled the smell stronger than ever. The pad was bloody and green.

Sheer panic set in, but I was numb at the same time. I instantly thought to myself, my God, my incision broke open and its infected, I am going to die. That may have sounded dramatic but I honestly thought I was dead. I came out of the bathroom and J was already calling the Ob. I didn't even pee because I was too scared that if I sat my incision would break open more. I looked at Isabel as she slept in her pack and play and began to think the worst but praying for the best.

J began packing up Isabel's things and some of my stuff ( I hadn't really unpacked yet) and before we got the call back from the OB we were on the road. In the mean time while J packed I remember repeating, "I am not OK" "I am not OK" but I felt basically numb other than that.

The rest felt surreal and I remembered in the car that we had to open a window because the smell was so strong. I looked over at Isabel and she was sleeping peacefully in her seat next to me and the moon was bright shining on her. I remember just thinking, its going to get worse before it gets better and I kept saying to J, I hope I don't die. He just kept praying the whole way there.

We finally got a call back from the On-call OB and we were told to go to the ER. We were half way there at that point. They were waiting for me when I got there and carried me out of the car and into a wheel chair.

This is when the longest and scariest day began.....................