Lab FAIL

So I haven't talked about my research in a while. I am in the analytical phase working on winter squash carotenoids and extracting them to run them on HPLC. Not a really hard thing to do but I do have alot of samples.

Today, I am just sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I set up samples last night and went to wash them this morning and ran into emulsification issues (which I never have). I think my rinse was not concentrated enough..... honestly I didn't think it matter and boy did it.

Now I have made more work for myself and I just want to finish this up. The work is tedious and repetitive. I feel like its God calling me to perservere. I guess thats all I can do. I think I pushed myself too hard this week.

I traveled to the USDA Sunday- Monday in Beltsville, MD and then came back to work Tuesday for all day meetings. Wednesday it was so hot and I was wiped I just stayed home and worked. Yesterday I felt renewed with the cooler weather and my feet were in much better shape. I got alot done... small victory.

Then today... *sigh* I have other stuff I can do today and I will do it. But ever since I got back I have been sick with a cold/allergies. Its been frustrating. All I want to do is go home and crawl into bed.

This morning I actually woke up feeling miserable and the only thing that got me going was the thought of getting to come home early and take a nap. Not going to happen now :(

I need a do over today!

Confessions and Pet Peeves

Maybe I am just more annoyable lately but I feel like I need to share my latest peeves, maybe you can relate:

First, I have two confessions:
1. Kids cereal is my new snack and occassionally choice for dinner, yes I know its not healthy!
2. I found 2 starburst jellybeans on the floor of my car and ate them (they weren't fuzzy or anything ;)
3. I sleep in more lately... till 7:30! EEeeep!
Latest pet peeves:
1. People who let their dogs out to play (unattended) and let them bark continuously (noticed this more b/c I have been working from home)!
2. I hate loud drinkers... that 'gulg' their beverage... quiet drinking please!
3. It annoys me when I am at work and those around me talk out loud to themselves while they work.. like a running conversation for one ugh
4. Unsolicited pregnancy advice and horror birth stories.. need I say more?!
5. Facebook posts that are ranty, full of bad language or bragging about vacation!

I may add to this list.....and you can add to if you want :)

Update Week #23

This week has been hectic, I went to a conference in Baltimore over the weekend... yes I flew and my feet still haven't forgiven me. The meeting was good but I hate flying! Baby girl kicked at take off... I think she felt the change in pressure.

How far along? 23 weeks
Total weight gain? 11lbs.
Maternity clothes? Dresses are my friend maternity or not!
Sleep? Restless
How big is baby? Over a pound and still papaya size
Latest craving? kids cereal... I had Capn' crunch berry for dinner last night
Best part about being pregnant? Strangers noticing I am pregnant. When I was at the meeting I got to cut in the lunch line because they said baby and mama should eat first :) And others asked me seperately how far along I am... feels good actually but really I think it still depends on what I am wearing for whether I look pregnant or not haha

Shopping Fail

So I skipped out during lunch to look for shoes that will fit my pathetically swollen feet and some workout gear that fits.

I knew it would be a crap shoot because of where I live, all the stores at the mall are small and have little to selection to start with. I tried Sears for shoes (FAIL because the employees were chatting and ignoring me and I only had 1.5 hr. to shop).

On to Old Navy and I found yoga pants and some mat tops that were on sale (score).

I ran (rather waddled) down to Kohls. There it got really depressing. The shoes there are always hit or miss and I tried some flats on that barely fit and they were all size 11's! I know my feet are huge and swollen but I am a size 9. Ugh. I went to the maternity section and tried on shorts, capris and a dress. All were cheaply made and didn't fit right at all.

Typically, I avoid dressing rooms but they are now motivation to be more careful with what I eat. I see a double chin filling in and back rolls. I know I am starting to pop but I think I am gaining extra weight on top of it so I just look pregnant and chubby. Not a good combo. I also noticed a new patch of chin hairs... yes now I have chin hairs! Could be the pregnancy or all the vitamins in the prenatals but so embarassing!

I admitted defeat and only bought some flip flops... so it was a total FAIL. I limped out of Kohls and noticed that my thighs rub together in my jean skirt. Lovely.

I know this sounds like a list of complaints but maternity shopping can be down right depressing. I think I will try Motherhood tomorrow and hope for the best.

On the upshot I took a spin through Babies R Us and picked up a gift for another pg friend and looked around at possible baby stuff for me. So many cute ladybug things :) LOVE LOVE LOVE!

Another awesome moment today was on the drive back to work. I ate a snack and talked to baby girl and she kicked me twice in the tummy. It was so cute because its like she responded as I talked. Love her already!

For my Nonna

Today marks the one year anniversary since one of the most important person in my passed away, my grandmother.

Today I am doing the same thing I was on that day, grading papers at my dining room table with the door open on a beautiful spring morning. You might think it should be raining when you get news of someone's passing. Not nonna. She loved the sunny and beautiful days and she would be sadder if she knew I cried so much for her.

She always said, 'life is for the young'and not to cry for the dead. Still its hard not to. I miss her so much still.

It still doesn't seem fair, I feel she left us too soon. I wasn't ready. My heart breaks when I think that she will never get to meet her great-granddaughter. She would have been so proud and loved her so much. I know it.

But I believe God took her at that time for a reason. She didn't suffer for long, she got to see her children and grandchildren grow up. Of course she will miss the birth of our daughter, my cousin Gracie's graduation, future marriages/children for my cousins/sisters.

But looking back, we were lucky we got her for so long. She was a big part of my everyday life growing up and I am so thankful for that. Makes me realize how important it is to be near family when children are growing up.

I can still hear her encouraging words and see her sweet face. Her picture hangs on my desk at work, inspiring me to make her proud everyday.

Of course I am sitting here crying through this but I have hope that one day I will see her again. And the best I can do now is to live a life she would be proud of!

I will find a way to honor her memory. She was a special sweet lady that gave me my sense of compassion, gift of gab and nutured my love of family. And she could cook!!!!

So as this day does feel sad as we mark the one year anniversary since she passed, I know she is with me always.

I love you my Nonna.

Update: Week 22

So its that time to update :)

How far along? 22 weeks

Total Weight gain? I think I am up to 10lbs... maybe 11?

Maternity clothes? yes of course... but some of my regular tops are still working

Sleep? Better this week so far but baby girl keeps waking me up with her kicks

How big is baby? 1lb. Papaya size!

Latest craving? Starbust... I want those jelly beans!!

Best part about being pregnant? This week its the kicks from the outside and the hiccups. I can really feel her moving all around now, lately it feels like she is trying break out and jumping on my cervix... kinda uncomfortable. But yesterday morning was the best when I was waking up and could feel her kicking on the outside and grabbed J's hand and he felt her too.. And yest the hiccupps feel funny like rhythmic tapping :)

Really Lactaid milk?

So J bought me my own Lactaid chocolate milk because I have been stealing sips of his chocolate milk (sans lactaid)... living dangerously!

I usually never drink glasses of milk but every once in a while a glass of chocolate milk looks good to me especially now, despite the lactose intolerance.

The first day J brought this new carton home for me I was unsure of whether it would taste good or chaulky. I don't drink white Lactaid milk except to put it on cereal and I don't think it taste like regular milk anyway.

I got brave though and gave the Lactaid chocolate milk a try. It was perfect! Just like regular! I try not to drink alot of it because its not terribly healthy but the baby needs calcium right?!

J just read the label and turns out Lactaid milk is really only milk with Lactaid added to it. Really?? Seems strange, maybe I should just drink regular milk and take lactaid...

While we are on the subject of food, my friend and fellow blogger found Starburst jellybeans!! I found them after Easter when I was on fruity candy kick and they aren't widely available. We were talking about it at girls' night this weekend and she found them!!! Albeit in 5lb bags, I am just tempted enough to order them!!! Yum!!! The pink ones are the best!!!!

Ever feel like it would be better NOT to know?

I know I am a biologist and by nature inquisitive, thats a given and I like the whole explanation even if its scary or bad news.

But today was a rollercoaster of emotions. I mentioned I had another u/s today and was not satisfied with the nurses' explanation of why I need to see a perinatologist. So I called back my Dr.'s office. Unfortunately my Dr. was out (surgeries are scheduled for Thursdays). Anyway another Dr. from my practice called me (didn't expect that at all) but she was wonderful.

She explained that at this point in the development of the baby they look for certain things in the heart other than it just beating. My two previous u/s could not clearly show the 'outflow tracts' which can in some cases be reversed. So since my Dr. couldn't be sure they were not I was going to need this u/s at another practice with a perinatologist.

So I cried a bit, tossed and turned last night but took solace in two things 1. God is in control and we were miracles at birth so I know anything is possible! 2. This heart defect is fixable *phew*

I knew J couldn't really get out of work because this u/s was right in the middle of the day. So I would have to go alone. Sometimes going alone is easier for me, I find myself feeling more anxious and nervous with him there. Its not him at all, its because I can let my guard down a bit. Still I wasn't thrilled to go alone especially if she did have this defect.

My wonderful sisters and dear friend all offered to take time off and come (thanks ladies) but in the end I went it alone. I got there just in time... had to pee but figured I would hold it because it would help the u/s.

Then ten minutes went by and then another five and then five more. Finally I was ready to bust and baby girl was kicking all around. So I peed and waited some more. All the more nervous. I hate waiting in waiting rooms... so nerve wracking! Maybe its just me!

The technician came out and got me 40m into my wait in the waiting room. She was nice and explained each thing she was looking for. Relief and joy flooded my mind just seeing the baby on the screen and that little beating heart.

The tech was pressing pretty hard on my hip/pelvis and it really hurt (it was near one of my scars) owwww. She was running out of gel too. I didn't want to say anything, figured I needed to toughen up!

She finished up and sent the Dr. in. He did another scan, especially of the head and heart. He mentioned she was hiccupping (cute but I didn't feel it) and she was sitting Indian style so I could see her knees :)

But wouldn't you know it, he was pressing in the same area, wow owwwwww! But after a few more minutes he said 'she has a great looking heart' *phew*

He was quick and efficient not the most friendly but that was all I needed to hear. She doesn't have that defect and he didn't see anything else wrong!

So, in the end I guess I do want to know about these things if they are fixable. We chose not to get other testing that would tell of genetic defects because it would not change us wanting the baby.

So I can breath a sigh and enjoyed seeing her again today :)

Practice at acting fast and staying calm

Came home from work a little earlier than usual, like 5ish. Took the pups out to pee and play as usual and then in to eat dinner.

As they were eating dinner I made myself some toast, heartburn was bad today! Turned around and saw Liam struggling to get up and then falling down on the kitchen floor. He was not coordinated at all. It was like he couldn't get coordinated. I tried talking to him and getting him to lay down. He kept clamping his mouth shut, I honestly thought he was choking. Then it dawned on me he was having a seizure.

What could I do? I fumbled with my phone trying to find the vet's #, which you would think I would have memorized. Thankfully they were still open and let me come right in. He was struggling to get up and falling down. I got Ladybug in the car and came back for Liam and half carried him to the car. Thankfully he is lighter than Ladybug! He was still seizing in the car and then half way down the hill on the way to the vet he started licking my hand. Sweet puppy had come out of it!

So I got to the vet and they let me right in and even let Ladybug come in. They are the best vets ever! They know Ladybug and Liam not b/c they are always sick but they get ear infections and Liam had a seizure before.

Anyway after observing him, the vet decided he was ok and didn't need meds. Phew. Ladybug definetly knew something was up she was hovering around him.

It was hard doing this all alone without Josh, 5 months pregnant trying to get the dogs into the car and trying not to have a melt down.

Gotta say the pregnancy hormones can cause me to feel quite a bit more emotional than before. But while it was happening, I just reacted. Just did what I had to do to get him taken care of. Couldn't even call Josh.

I know God was watching over my baby boy today. I can't explain why he has had two seizures but I know that he is healthy otherwise.

Today showed me that if I need to, I can just work under pressure and get things done without over reacting, even by myself!

****

This week I have already been a bit tense because I need to have another ultrasound. The dr.'s office called and said not to worry but they couldn't get a good picture of the heart. So I have to go to a different office and have a level 2 ultrasound to look at the hear on Friday. I know that this is just a routine thing but it freaks me out. I just want her to be ok. Saying extra prayers this week . On the plus side she has been kicking up a storm. Not just little taps but major thumps :) Best feeling ever!

Weekly Update: Week #21

Today I am feeling frazzled. The reality that this baby girl is really on her way has been stressed in new ways. What am I going to do for work? How will I be able to juggle it? If we could swing one income, could I swing it? So much to contemplate! Its not that I don't want to work but I don't know what I will do that will be worth enough to justify day care.

So....

How far along? 21 weeks

Total weight gain? 9lbs.

Maternity clothes? I found some cute ones at Motherhood that are working pretty good, its shoes that are still a challenge!

Sleep? Well, ok but my arms keep falling alseep and when I wake up they are very painful, its from the edema

How big is baby? Length of a banana but weighs about 12-13 oz

Latest craving? Fruit juice and light lemonade from McDs... but note to self next time just get the lemonade b/c today I got hashbrowns and they were a greasy gross mess!

Looking forward to? The semester ending so I can change gears, work on finishing up my degree and get some baby shopping done!!

Some days I feel like I look pregnant and others chubby, the maternity shirts help. Here's what I am wearing today.... I am starting to get stranger stares and in my head I imagine they are asking themselves: 'Is she chubby or pregnant?' Ha....

Happy Mother's Day

Its a funny thing, knowing I will be a mom in just a few months.... wow! I mean its not like I haven't thought about what it would be like but now that its happening its kind of surreal.

Today, J got me a card from the dogs/cats which was sweet and I got a Happy Mother's day to-be card from a friend and some well wishes of Happy Mother's day but I don't really feel like I should be getting the honor...yet.

I mean the baby is still baking!

Today was nice though and yet I find myself dwelling on the past and the future. This is my first Mother's Day without Nonna. Today in church they included prayers for families that were missing their mom's and that really struck me because I am sure it is hard on my dad and aunt as well as us.

But, I did remind myself she would not want me sitting here feeling sad all day so I planted some basil seeds and plan to plant them by her grave this summer.

I am content to celebrate the mothers and grandmothers and aunts around me this year and know that Mother's Day next year will be extra special for me!

Said I wouldn't do it but....

I am! I decided to post a picture of the ultrasound from today :)

We had to have a second u/s because last week the baby was in a funny position so it made it hard to see the heart. So bonus for us especially because the heart looks good and we got to see her again!

Still a girl!

She was moving around and I got to see her hands and feet better along with this adorable profile! It really is amazing and a total blessing and really a miracle!

Love her so much already! Ok, I am getting mushy but still she is doing great!

Really Ladybug?

So our dear and wonderful pup Ladybug has a penchant for trash. We know this about her and have worked hard to safeguard it from her.

Last night was a total FAIL.

We both came home early (we purchased a used dresser/changing table...first baby purchase) but then I made dinner and we got ready to go to the this class at the hospital "My pregnant body' where a PT discusses the changes that are going on... it was good but we really went b/c it was pre-req for the birth classes in August.

Anyhoo.

When we got home Ladybug greeted me at the door with a Cheez-it box in her mouth. I turned the light on to see that all the trash was torn to shreds all over the floor. And... this is the best part....

She had blue, black and white frosting on her head, ears and paws. I had thrown out the cake box from J's bday cake and she must have enjoyed the left over frosting.

Really there was not much for food in the trash b/c I will through that out b/c I know her and she got a porkchop dinner one time when she got in the trash.

So, I cleaned up the mess and decided that our trash under the sink isn't going to work despite it being on rollers. She can open the other door and push the trash out with her nose. So, I put a stool in front of it. Apparently she can knock it over and thats how she broke down our 'Fort Knox' of trash.

So now the trash is in the pantry and we will have to think of something else.

I know she is fine, she doesn't eat the non-food trash but licks it. She has been into the trash 3xs since we got her almost 3 years ago but still.....very naughty!

Half baked

Yes the first thing I thought of was this is a stoner title LOL! But actually I realized today that baby N is half-baked :)

Feeling good now, I get tired easier but over all good. On the hunt for maternity clothes.. such a frustrating process for me!

How far along? 20 weeks

Total weight gain? 8lbs.

Maternity clothes? Yes I need a new summer wardrobe, where is What not Wear when I need them? Stacy? Clinton? Help!

Sleep? Good this week :) thanks to the AC unit J put in

How big is baby? Size of a melon...eeep she weighed in at 10oz last week... she might be a 1lb now

Latest craving? Haddock sandwhich and fruit (still) and fruit juice

I am starting to round out but I still have a pooch above my belly button... lovely!