In the last few months I have been getting up later and later while Josh has been getting up earlier and earlier. I thought maybe I was falling into the academic late to work rut.
Well today I had to be at work as early as possible for an experiment so I was up at 5am and out the door at 6:30, didn't feel hard at all. The difference? Josh is on vacation this week and he was snooring away.
Weird? Well I used to be a morning person but not necessarily a friendly one, ask my former roomies :) Now I think it is helpful not to bicker whenever possible so Josh getting up early is good and I wish we could get up together but I just don't think we can and not argue! LOL. We both rush around in the morning and have the dogs and lunches and all that. It is just easier to get up a bit... or lately alot later than him. I keep saying I will use that time to work out but haven't really done that yet!
The problem I have had with coming in early is that no matter how early I come in I can never leave 'early' or like after 8-9hrs. Sometimes I convince myself if I go in early I can come home early. And I FAIL miserably everytime! Today is such a day. I go in early and it is 5:15 and I have to be here for another 1hr. for an experiment.
What happens more often is that I am ready to get going when my latecoming colleagues show up and want to talk etc. So I try to alternate and that is exhausting. I just need a schedule! Plus I pack the same lunch most days and the early days I am starving and the late to come in days I don't eat as much. Like today I could eat shoe leather if I had any!
Oh well, one more day of this and I am going camping. Should be an adventure:read:unpleasant!
Josh is really pumped and I am happy to unplug literally but I am not sure if camping will be relaxing for me. The bugs, bathrooms, no showers, cooking a meal on a fire.... hmmmmm. We shall see! I am sure there will be stories from this!!
Happy Vacation to me!
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Monday, July 27, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Growing
I ate my first cucumber from our garden today! It was alittle spiny, short and squat but it was really crunchy! It has been so dreary today but that cheered me up! I saw alot of green tomatoes, tiny summer squashes, and a pumpkin!
Looking at my window sill as I washed tonights' dishes I looked at the basil I planted just after Nonna passed away. Kind of a tribute. They weren't growing vigorously likely because they were slightly neglected, but they have been getting watered more frequently so they are growing.
It made me think of her. Her eyes would light up when she would talk about the smell and taste of Genovese basil. She has been on my mind lately. I went down to Gloucester and couldn't even drive past her house because the thought of it just made me cry. She was such a wonderful woman. I feel like words can't accurately describe how wise, sweet, genuine, kind, generous and special she was. I can't stand talking about her in the past tense. I just wish she was still with us.
My sister had a dream about her this week and just reading her blog made me miss her so much, tears come to my eyes just thinking about it. There is still a dull ache in my heart for her and the loss I feel over her.
It is comforting to see my little basil plants grow. It reminds me that life goes on in everyway. But I will be forever changed by her and all that she was to me.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Summer nights
Warm summer nights with the windows open and a light breeze flowing through the house is one of my most favorite parts about summer. It really feels like summer now, the flowers are blooming, the vegetables in the garden are forming and the grass is growing! I even saw a baby pumpkin forming!
I am hoping the my field research will go well. Been thinking about my squash plants and hope that they grow well so I can get some good data! My lab research is going better. I have been working on a new method and I think it will be better than the ones out there. Maybe it will become a methods paper. Still feels weird that I can start publishing soon.
Sometimes I wish people that weren't in academia understood just what I do. To clarify, I work year round. I work in the field, the lab, am done taking classes, teach undergrad classes and am starting to write my dissertation. I was talking to my dad the other day because I feeling bad about working so many hours and not making much as far as a salary. He actually had a refreshing perspective 'hey you are getting paid to go to school, what is better than that?!' Well, it is a good deal when you think of it that way. But I have to say it is a ego reducer when I am almost 30 and make a TA salary. Oh well, not for much longer!
I really thought this summer was going to be tough because I wouldn't like doing lab work, but actually it is getting to be pretty interesting and fun!
I am starting to feel better overall, more optimistic about the future and my incisions are healing. I even feel motivated to start exercising more. Feels good, starting slow but I know it is worth it. Not only for weight loss but it also relieves my stress, lowers HDL and increases oxygen. All good things.
Right now though, I am content to eat my fruit salad and feel the breeze float through the house :)
I am hoping the my field research will go well. Been thinking about my squash plants and hope that they grow well so I can get some good data! My lab research is going better. I have been working on a new method and I think it will be better than the ones out there. Maybe it will become a methods paper. Still feels weird that I can start publishing soon.
Sometimes I wish people that weren't in academia understood just what I do. To clarify, I work year round. I work in the field, the lab, am done taking classes, teach undergrad classes and am starting to write my dissertation. I was talking to my dad the other day because I feeling bad about working so many hours and not making much as far as a salary. He actually had a refreshing perspective 'hey you are getting paid to go to school, what is better than that?!' Well, it is a good deal when you think of it that way. But I have to say it is a ego reducer when I am almost 30 and make a TA salary. Oh well, not for much longer!
I really thought this summer was going to be tough because I wouldn't like doing lab work, but actually it is getting to be pretty interesting and fun!
I am starting to feel better overall, more optimistic about the future and my incisions are healing. I even feel motivated to start exercising more. Feels good, starting slow but I know it is worth it. Not only for weight loss but it also relieves my stress, lowers HDL and increases oxygen. All good things.
Right now though, I am content to eat my fruit salad and feel the breeze float through the house :)
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Wide open spaces
Whenever I hear that song by the Dixie Chicks it reminds me of the feelings I had when I just graduated college and was starting a new life in FL for grad school.
Everytime I hear it now it makes me feel nostalgic for the the time when I felt optimistic and had so much to look forward to. Obviously, grad school and living that far from home was a challenge for me but this song became sort of my battle cry.
I feel like I changed alot through the experience of living on my own and in a new place. I grew and succeeded. And since graduating 4 years ago, I have taken on more challenges. Teaching at the college level in 2 colleges. Starting a PhD. and making it through qualifiers! Getting married, buying a house, and adopting not one but two dogs!
Though I have accomplished alot since that song was my battle cry, I feel like the challenges since then pale in comparison to packing up 2 suitcases and moving to FL by myself and living/going to school for 3 years on my own. Kind of makes me miss it but at the same time glad it is over.
Now I wouldn't say life is easier but it feels less exciting to a degree, more predictable. I guess thats a good thing. Life in flux is fun for a while but also very stressful. I think I feel now that I need a new challenge. It might seem like I have enough challenge in my life finishing my PhD. etc. but I think many 'balls in the air' and 'wide open spaces'.
I have started to feel much more like myself. I saw my doctor yesterday and after crying on the way there expecting bad news. She was optimistic and comforting and lot nicer than I thought she would be. The stitches are gone and I already feel better. So come what may but I feel much more optimistic and ready for a new day.
Everytime I hear it now it makes me feel nostalgic for the the time when I felt optimistic and had so much to look forward to. Obviously, grad school and living that far from home was a challenge for me but this song became sort of my battle cry.
I feel like I changed alot through the experience of living on my own and in a new place. I grew and succeeded. And since graduating 4 years ago, I have taken on more challenges. Teaching at the college level in 2 colleges. Starting a PhD. and making it through qualifiers! Getting married, buying a house, and adopting not one but two dogs!
Though I have accomplished alot since that song was my battle cry, I feel like the challenges since then pale in comparison to packing up 2 suitcases and moving to FL by myself and living/going to school for 3 years on my own. Kind of makes me miss it but at the same time glad it is over.
Now I wouldn't say life is easier but it feels less exciting to a degree, more predictable. I guess thats a good thing. Life in flux is fun for a while but also very stressful. I think I feel now that I need a new challenge. It might seem like I have enough challenge in my life finishing my PhD. etc. but I think many 'balls in the air' and 'wide open spaces'.
I have started to feel much more like myself. I saw my doctor yesterday and after crying on the way there expecting bad news. She was optimistic and comforting and lot nicer than I thought she would be. The stitches are gone and I already feel better. So come what may but I feel much more optimistic and ready for a new day.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Just one of those days
So I made it through a long first week back to work. Still struggling with my HPLC method but making progress. I would much rather be out in the field with my squash but they are so pitifully behind. Guess thats ok, since I am too! I will get out there soon enough and take pix!
Today I had a hard time handling my emotions. The reality of this surgery is setting in, I lost my fallopian tube. What does that mean really? I have learned google is NOT my friend. I have read all kinds of dissapointing things about what this means for the future i.e. having kids.
I keep wishing it was my appendix or gallbladder.... that would have been FINE. I am not going to say 'Why me?' though because even though I don't know why, I do know God has a plan for me.
Right now, discerning it is a bit hard. I feel like I need some perspective but I just don't have it yet. I of all people have wanted to have kids since I started babysitting at 15! I am almost 30 and for most they either have had kids or are happy to wait.
Me? I had been content with everything in my life (still am for the most part) but this has really thrown me for a loop. I am anxiously awaiting my follow up doctor's apt. on Monday and hope that the OB/gyn can alleviate some of my concern.
So right now I would describe my mood as apprehensive and a bit anxious. I have never had a time in my life where something has weighed so heavily on my mind. It is like every quiet moment I have I find myself dwelling. That is NOT me and it is certainly NOT what I think God would want me to do, it saps my energy and limits my efforts. I have been praying for comfort and peace and I know it will come.
Meanwhile, I am actually glad to sink into work and the regular pace of my life because it feels normal. Even though it is 7pm on a Friday night and Josh is still not home from work, I don't mind. I just took the pups for a little walk (thats all I can do right now) and am listening to the cars race around the track at the speedway. The windows are open, the sun is shining and there is a breeze. It is a really nice end to a hectic week.
Today I had a hard time handling my emotions. The reality of this surgery is setting in, I lost my fallopian tube. What does that mean really? I have learned google is NOT my friend. I have read all kinds of dissapointing things about what this means for the future i.e. having kids.
I keep wishing it was my appendix or gallbladder.... that would have been FINE. I am not going to say 'Why me?' though because even though I don't know why, I do know God has a plan for me.
Right now, discerning it is a bit hard. I feel like I need some perspective but I just don't have it yet. I of all people have wanted to have kids since I started babysitting at 15! I am almost 30 and for most they either have had kids or are happy to wait.
Me? I had been content with everything in my life (still am for the most part) but this has really thrown me for a loop. I am anxiously awaiting my follow up doctor's apt. on Monday and hope that the OB/gyn can alleviate some of my concern.
So right now I would describe my mood as apprehensive and a bit anxious. I have never had a time in my life where something has weighed so heavily on my mind. It is like every quiet moment I have I find myself dwelling. That is NOT me and it is certainly NOT what I think God would want me to do, it saps my energy and limits my efforts. I have been praying for comfort and peace and I know it will come.
Meanwhile, I am actually glad to sink into work and the regular pace of my life because it feels normal. Even though it is 7pm on a Friday night and Josh is still not home from work, I don't mind. I just took the pups for a little walk (thats all I can do right now) and am listening to the cars race around the track at the speedway. The windows are open, the sun is shining and there is a breeze. It is a really nice end to a hectic week.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Growing as a scientist
This week has been a bit rough with transitioning back to work, with having to be back on a schedule, letting folks know what happened to me and dealing with my research.
I walked into my lab on Monday morning and my advisor's first words were "were you on vacation last week?" Me: "no I was out recovering" Him:"oh really? what happened?!" He didn't get my email or my phone calls so I tried to let him know but apparently he wasn't worried that I dissappeared for a week! I guess I feel relieved that I can go away for a week and he doesn't worry.
I filled my grad friends in on what happened and the ordeal. I really tried just to tell the ladies but some of the guys overheard... thankfully they aren't squeamish!
One of the biggest challenges I have had so far this week other than my research is finding clothes that are comfortable... wish I could wear a mumu or drawstring pants to work!
As far as my research, I am slogging through it. I am sort of stuck working out an HPLC method that isn't quite working. I am trying to work with 2 methods to see which one will work better for me. But this week I find I keep making little mistakes. Maybe its my concentration and that I am distracted and still don't feel 100%.
I am also feeling bummed about all this rain....it is really not good for my field research. My cucurbits are just sitting there in the field! My garden is also not doing exceptionally well but I have more hope for it than my field stuff. I at least see tomatoes!
I walked into my lab on Monday morning and my advisor's first words were "were you on vacation last week?" Me: "no I was out recovering" Him:"oh really? what happened?!" He didn't get my email or my phone calls so I tried to let him know but apparently he wasn't worried that I dissappeared for a week! I guess I feel relieved that I can go away for a week and he doesn't worry.
I filled my grad friends in on what happened and the ordeal. I really tried just to tell the ladies but some of the guys overheard... thankfully they aren't squeamish!
One of the biggest challenges I have had so far this week other than my research is finding clothes that are comfortable... wish I could wear a mumu or drawstring pants to work!
As far as my research, I am slogging through it. I am sort of stuck working out an HPLC method that isn't quite working. I am trying to work with 2 methods to see which one will work better for me. But this week I find I keep making little mistakes. Maybe its my concentration and that I am distracted and still don't feel 100%.
I am also feeling bummed about all this rain....it is really not good for my field research. My cucurbits are just sitting there in the field! My garden is also not doing exceptionally well but I have more hope for it than my field stuff. I at least see tomatoes!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Sun =therapy
So, after week or more of being cooped up at home recovering I got a break from the monotony of rain and found that sun, in addition to feeling better really lifts the spirits!
After not getting to go to Friday night's cookout, I at least got to Gloucester to visit the In-laws and my sisters. It was a very relaxing and good day. We brought the fur kids, which is always fun. They have a blast and it seems to brighten everyone's mood. I think they are really going to miss us this week when both Josh and I go back to work. Wish I could take them with me, they would have a blast at the farm.
We always joke that our Ladybug is alot like my mil's dog Rosie and in alot of ways she is but last night she proved she has at least one character distinction. She doesn't mind fireworks. I knew that UNH was having fireworks last night so on the way back from g-town we stopped at UNH for the fireworks. I forgot how much I love them. Reminds me of the many times I would ooh and aww at them with my mom at Stage fort park. It was a pleasant surprise to get to see them and I realized that Josh and I have never watched fireworks together. How can that be?! We have been together for 6 years! Ha. It was fun picking out the ones I like and hear his commentary on the ones he liked. Really fun experience!
Today, I had planned to go to my sister's cookout. No dice. I do have to admit I am still recovering and yet I am trying to push myself so I can feel 'back to normal'. I am still experiencing some pain 2 of my incisions, some stomach issues and fatigue but otherwise ok. I did find out there wasn't any evidence of cancer cells in my tube so that was good. I really didn't think there would be though.
At Jo's yesterday I realized just how pasty my legs were so I sat out side in my little adirondack chair and soaked in some rays. It felt nice. I usually hate it but it felt nice today. Got a bit of a burn though.. ooops
Progress report on the garden:
Green tomatoes aplenty! Everything looks chlorotic... gave them liquid fertilizer today. Everything is growing though! More pix to follow!
After not getting to go to Friday night's cookout, I at least got to Gloucester to visit the In-laws and my sisters. It was a very relaxing and good day. We brought the fur kids, which is always fun. They have a blast and it seems to brighten everyone's mood. I think they are really going to miss us this week when both Josh and I go back to work. Wish I could take them with me, they would have a blast at the farm.
We always joke that our Ladybug is alot like my mil's dog Rosie and in alot of ways she is but last night she proved she has at least one character distinction. She doesn't mind fireworks. I knew that UNH was having fireworks last night so on the way back from g-town we stopped at UNH for the fireworks. I forgot how much I love them. Reminds me of the many times I would ooh and aww at them with my mom at Stage fort park. It was a pleasant surprise to get to see them and I realized that Josh and I have never watched fireworks together. How can that be?! We have been together for 6 years! Ha. It was fun picking out the ones I like and hear his commentary on the ones he liked. Really fun experience!
Today, I had planned to go to my sister's cookout. No dice. I do have to admit I am still recovering and yet I am trying to push myself so I can feel 'back to normal'. I am still experiencing some pain 2 of my incisions, some stomach issues and fatigue but otherwise ok. I did find out there wasn't any evidence of cancer cells in my tube so that was good. I really didn't think there would be though.
At Jo's yesterday I realized just how pasty my legs were so I sat out side in my little adirondack chair and soaked in some rays. It felt nice. I usually hate it but it felt nice today. Got a bit of a burn though.. ooops
Progress report on the garden:
Green tomatoes aplenty! Everything looks chlorotic... gave them liquid fertilizer today. Everything is growing though! More pix to follow!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Not what I wanted
Wow, I am realizing more and more how much of an indecisive person I am. I think it is because I tend to be a people pleaser. Last night we were invited to my dad's 4th of July cookout, parade, fireworks. When he invited me earlier in the week, I was optimistically thinking I would be up for it.
Friday came and I was still feeling sore and tired. I kept pep talking myself I would go, got dressed and sank into the couch, not wanting to move. Had a small meltdown with sis on the phone because I couldn't bring myself to say I wouldn't go. Why do we do that to ourselves? I feel like I never want to let anyone down even if it means pushing myself out the door even if I really don't feel well.
So what happened? I decided not to go in the end. I was almost asleep by 7:30 so I was greatful to be home. But, I hate to feel like I am missing out. I really like parties and going out but it is getting harder to go because of the fact most things I want to do with family are out of state. I guess thats the sacrifice I make for living here.
Anyway, not to go on and on. I am feeling better overall and the sun is shining. I need to start trying to be less of a people pleaser and try to enjoy life more.
Happy 4th of July, it is Independence Day after all!
Friday came and I was still feeling sore and tired. I kept pep talking myself I would go, got dressed and sank into the couch, not wanting to move. Had a small meltdown with sis on the phone because I couldn't bring myself to say I wouldn't go. Why do we do that to ourselves? I feel like I never want to let anyone down even if it means pushing myself out the door even if I really don't feel well.
So what happened? I decided not to go in the end. I was almost asleep by 7:30 so I was greatful to be home. But, I hate to feel like I am missing out. I really like parties and going out but it is getting harder to go because of the fact most things I want to do with family are out of state. I guess thats the sacrifice I make for living here.
Anyway, not to go on and on. I am feeling better overall and the sun is shining. I need to start trying to be less of a people pleaser and try to enjoy life more.
Happy 4th of July, it is Independence Day after all!
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