Right now sauce is simmering on the stove and it smells like Nonna's kitchen in here. Josh wanted to make sauce (dad's recipe) while we are vacation aka staycation. He is actually cooking so yay!
When we first started cooking it I started to get teary because the smell just reminded me so much of Nonna's kitchen. I still miss her everyday. But now, I feel a bit closer to her.
I know she wouldn't want me to sit around and be sad for her but every so often the sadness wipes over me.
My dad came over today to check on me and brought Virgilios and now I have some yummy rolls. Yea I am Italian!
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Lesson in Patience
So I am a get up and go girl. I know this. So being held back by this surgery has really been bumming be out. I feel so unproductive. Sleep, eat a bit, shift from the bed to couch and repeat. Not really what I had in mind for the better part of last week and this one.
As I reflected on it today I realized that everytime I get into a groove of what I call 'super planning' i.e. scheduling vacation, my work, my future job, family. God has a way of stopping me in my tracks and reminding me just how NOT in control I am.
In a way its comforting because I know God's plan is way better for me than the one I am trying to come up with. At the same time it reminds me that I need to stop trying to over plan and ask Him for more guidance and yes, be more PATIENT.
Such a hard thing for me. Just like I can't change the fact that it has rained more days in June than not, I can only work to find the silver lining. Ok, the weather isn't awesome but that means I don't have to water the garden as much. And since the weather is cruddy I don't feel compelled to over do it working outside while I recover.
One of the things about being slowed down from this surgery, it has helped me re-focus. I have been going at maximum speed in my life for the last 2 years with teaching and working on my PhD. I haven't had any me time. Its time to change that.
Things I want to change:
I want to find a new church.
I want to exercise more... even train for a 5k. Yes, sisters are starting to inspire me.
I want to take a pastry/cake decorating class or cooking or something (wouldn't it be fun if I could teach cooking classes someday?)
The other thing about spending time recovering is learning how capable my husband is of taking care of me. Not that I have doubted it. I think we have both realized this week all that it takes to keep the house going and how much of team we actually are. I am feeling a bit better and hope to be up an about really soon. But in the mean time I can cherish the extra hubby/puppy time I am getting.
As I reflected on it today I realized that everytime I get into a groove of what I call 'super planning' i.e. scheduling vacation, my work, my future job, family. God has a way of stopping me in my tracks and reminding me just how NOT in control I am.
In a way its comforting because I know God's plan is way better for me than the one I am trying to come up with. At the same time it reminds me that I need to stop trying to over plan and ask Him for more guidance and yes, be more PATIENT.
Such a hard thing for me. Just like I can't change the fact that it has rained more days in June than not, I can only work to find the silver lining. Ok, the weather isn't awesome but that means I don't have to water the garden as much. And since the weather is cruddy I don't feel compelled to over do it working outside while I recover.
One of the things about being slowed down from this surgery, it has helped me re-focus. I have been going at maximum speed in my life for the last 2 years with teaching and working on my PhD. I haven't had any me time. Its time to change that.
Things I want to change:
I want to find a new church.
I want to exercise more... even train for a 5k. Yes, sisters are starting to inspire me.
I want to take a pastry/cake decorating class or cooking or something (wouldn't it be fun if I could teach cooking classes someday?)
The other thing about spending time recovering is learning how capable my husband is of taking care of me. Not that I have doubted it. I think we have both realized this week all that it takes to keep the house going and how much of team we actually are. I am feeling a bit better and hope to be up an about really soon. But in the mean time I can cherish the extra hubby/puppy time I am getting.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Life paused this week
Ok so I am an optomist. Tuesday night when I came home with pain in my right side I talked myself into thinking it was just a cramp and it would go away. But it did not go away and Josh took me to the ER based on the doctor's advice. I felt every bump and dip in the road. We made it and I was still convinced that I was over reacting but wanted to rule out appendicitis.
The ER doc, gave me the option of a CT scan with alot of radiation or go home and see if it gets worse. What did I do? I went home because the doctor said he felt like it wasn't something major like appendicitis or a torsion.
But abour 6am the next morning I knew this pain was not going away. We got back to the ER and I went right in. I am usually not someone to take pain medication but after an hour I was in great pain. They prepped me for a CT scan which felt like an eternity and as the hours passed I kept needing more medication. I just wanted to climb out of my body at this point.
I had been thinking that it was my appendix and was prepared for that. Then they told me it was a cyst and it needed to come out. I thought to myself, oh a cyst? Thats all? It will go away, I don't need surgery for that! But I decided to have the surgery. I was terrified, but felt better that maybe after that I would not be in pain any longer.
Turns out I had an ovarian torsion. They repaired my ovary and I will be ok. They don't know why it happened yet. I go back in 2 weeks to find out.
I stayed O.N. in the hospital and came home yesterday. Feels good to be home but I am in more pain than I would like. I am not going to complain though because it could have been alot worse.
I am just so thankful that Josh was so calm and that he took such good care of me. I knew he was the ONE a long time ago when I was really sick in FL and he just happened to be with me visiting. He was so calm and collected and took great care of me then. I am so used to taking care of myself that it was hard for me to let him take care of me. He has been awesome though and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Also, my family really came to my side. My dad showe dup just at the right time and my sisters helped me get home and brought me awesome snacks. Man, those organic animal crackers and toast were just what I needed.
The last few days have felt like the longest days of my life. I know that everything happens for a reason and I know God watched over me during the whole ordeal. I am relieved it is over but am still filled with questions as to why it happened. I am trying not to think about it for now and just get better.
The ER doc, gave me the option of a CT scan with alot of radiation or go home and see if it gets worse. What did I do? I went home because the doctor said he felt like it wasn't something major like appendicitis or a torsion.
But abour 6am the next morning I knew this pain was not going away. We got back to the ER and I went right in. I am usually not someone to take pain medication but after an hour I was in great pain. They prepped me for a CT scan which felt like an eternity and as the hours passed I kept needing more medication. I just wanted to climb out of my body at this point.
I had been thinking that it was my appendix and was prepared for that. Then they told me it was a cyst and it needed to come out. I thought to myself, oh a cyst? Thats all? It will go away, I don't need surgery for that! But I decided to have the surgery. I was terrified, but felt better that maybe after that I would not be in pain any longer.
Turns out I had an ovarian torsion. They repaired my ovary and I will be ok. They don't know why it happened yet. I go back in 2 weeks to find out.
I stayed O.N. in the hospital and came home yesterday. Feels good to be home but I am in more pain than I would like. I am not going to complain though because it could have been alot worse.
I am just so thankful that Josh was so calm and that he took such good care of me. I knew he was the ONE a long time ago when I was really sick in FL and he just happened to be with me visiting. He was so calm and collected and took great care of me then. I am so used to taking care of myself that it was hard for me to let him take care of me. He has been awesome though and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Also, my family really came to my side. My dad showe dup just at the right time and my sisters helped me get home and brought me awesome snacks. Man, those organic animal crackers and toast were just what I needed.
The last few days have felt like the longest days of my life. I know that everything happens for a reason and I know God watched over me during the whole ordeal. I am relieved it is over but am still filled with questions as to why it happened. I am trying not to think about it for now and just get better.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Doesn't feel much like a PhD. candidate
So its summer... and I get alittle down time usually. Not this summer where I am trying to trouble shoot a new HPLC method so I can finish up my research. It makes me laugh though at how many people think that I must have nothing to do in the summer so I must be off. Ha!
Sometimes I wonder how I will ever get through my program and get a job! Sometimes it seems insermountable. Just the other day my husband was talking about me and tenure= job security for life. Kind of comforting and scary all at the same time.
I know I can write, conduct research and teach but put it all together into a faculty appointment and you have one stressed PhD.!
Sometimes I wonder how I will ever get through my program and get a job! Sometimes it seems insermountable. Just the other day my husband was talking about me and tenure= job security for life. Kind of comforting and scary all at the same time.
I know I can write, conduct research and teach but put it all together into a faculty appointment and you have one stressed PhD.!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Learned something new on Father's Day
Today, we spent the day with my father-in-law and sister-in-law. It was a really fun day despite the dreary day. We had a cookout and I even made baseball themed cupcakes because we got Josh's dad Red Sox tix. It was a nice day.
It wasn't how I pictured it though, my dad wasn't there. We had been planning this for weeks: a joint Father's Day cookout for both dads. Unfortunately, because of an unfortunate circumstance my dad didn't come. We kind of fought about it all week and I didn't like it at all. I wanted to cheer him up and do something with all the family as we are all feeling the loss of Nonna. My dad and I have had these fights in the past and its Nonna that would mediate and try to get us to talk. It had been a few days and we hadn't resolved the argument.
Today, he called. Not to fight but to hear my side and try to resolve our differences. It was so unlike how it usually goes. He really wanted to get together so we found another time to celebrate Father's Day. It was a tuning point for us and I am sad we weren't together but glad we got a bit closer.
I also reflected on family and how I feel the great loss of my grandmother, I think about the possibility of new life. Who knows maybe in a few years Josh and I will be celebrating him as a father on Father's day. For now, he just gets puppy kisses and love from his 'fur kids'
Happy Father's Day
PS Here is a shot of our garden... its growing!
It wasn't how I pictured it though, my dad wasn't there. We had been planning this for weeks: a joint Father's Day cookout for both dads. Unfortunately, because of an unfortunate circumstance my dad didn't come. We kind of fought about it all week and I didn't like it at all. I wanted to cheer him up and do something with all the family as we are all feeling the loss of Nonna. My dad and I have had these fights in the past and its Nonna that would mediate and try to get us to talk. It had been a few days and we hadn't resolved the argument.
Today, he called. Not to fight but to hear my side and try to resolve our differences. It was so unlike how it usually goes. He really wanted to get together so we found another time to celebrate Father's Day. It was a tuning point for us and I am sad we weren't together but glad we got a bit closer.
I also reflected on family and how I feel the great loss of my grandmother, I think about the possibility of new life. Who knows maybe in a few years Josh and I will be celebrating him as a father on Father's day. For now, he just gets puppy kisses and love from his 'fur kids'
Happy Father's Day
PS Here is a shot of our garden... its growing!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Garden update
So all the plants are in, even swiss chard and basil for my Nonna. I have really been missing her lately and gardening has made me feel closer to her.
I actually made swiss chard today, one of my work friends gave me some from her garden. It was just like Nonna's. I haven't eaten swiss chard since I got the flu and threw it up (it was the last dinner I had before I got sick).... much better this time!
The garden is pretty much done except it needs a gate before the critters arrive! All this rain is NOT good though, hopefully it brightens up and warms up!
I actually made swiss chard today, one of my work friends gave me some from her garden. It was just like Nonna's. I haven't eaten swiss chard since I got the flu and threw it up (it was the last dinner I had before I got sick).... much better this time!
The garden is pretty much done except it needs a gate before the critters arrive! All this rain is NOT good though, hopefully it brightens up and warms up!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Vegetable garden is almost done!
If you are following along in my vegetable garden adventure I thought it is time to update!
The fence is up, the seeds/seedlings are in except for the pumpkins and the lime has been spread.
I am concerned about some of the seeds coming up but I think they will shortly... hey I am a seed physiologist by training so with any luck!
I have been thinking alot about what I want to do with my life after getting my PhD. It really could go in any direction.
Today, I was thinking if a tenure-track apt. doesn't become available near to my grad date I might start a CSA... what do you think?
I have always wanted to call my farm Butternut Farm but there is this namesake already in NH, and it is a great farm you should go!
I would call it Buttercup farm or J&J family farm maybe. I would love running a CSA and educating the public about food, health, growing and producing food!
I am off to go water the artichokes!
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